Joke of the Month...

A schoolteacher was doing a study testing the senses of first-graders using a bowl of Lifesavers. He gave all of the children the same kind of lifesaver one at a time and asked them to identify them by colour and flavour. The children began to say: "Red..................cherry" "Yellow...............lemon" "Green................lime" "Orange...............orange" Finally, he gave them Honey flavoured Lifesavers. After eating them for few moments none of the children could identify the taste. "Well" he said, "I'll give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father." One little girl looked up in horror, spat hers out and yelled,"Everybody spit them out - they're assholes!"

Planes, No Trains and Automobiles...

Hi again!

Before I continue on with the segment about the dreaded waistline transformation, I thought I would paste my "Postcard Story" contest piece, where it was mandatory that the submission be 250 words.

Travelling via car & plane with a baby can be stressful for parents. At the end of the day, the baby just seeks the simple things in life!

Hope you like it!

BABE IN MOTION


“Come on! It’s too early! Why are they waking me up in the middle of the night for Pete’s sake?

They have turned on the main light, something must be happening. It cannot be too serious though, she is looking down at me with sparkling eyes and singing a song…and he is…he’s dancing! Imagine the nerve! I am lying here in a wooden dungeon, sleep deprived, and these two are celebrating? On top of that, she is tone deaf and he does not have the beat at all! What is a fourteen month old to do? Sleep, that’s what! And why are they fussing so much over something called a plane?
Here I go! She is lifting me up and oh! The dreaded wet sloppy kiss on my cheek! When she stops doing that it will be my turn to celebrate!
They are talking back and forth quickly. How many cups of coffee have these two had already? Speaking of drinks, I wonder where my bottle is...

A long time has passed and the day keeps getting more strange! Why are we sitting with all of these people and moving slowly? This MUST be a very big car! Wow! What is that noise? And why is he holding me so tight on his lap?
The car is going up a VERY steep hill now! My ears hurt! Oh but wait! Here is my bottle! Forget the big noisy car, this is what I have been waiting for.”

Lord love a duck!

I'm pregnant! Am I really or is that "Clear Blue Easy" stick telling me a lie? Well I'll just be sure and take another test. Hmmm, positive again. I guess with these results and the horrific nipple pain I feel right now, I'm thinking the stick is not telling fibbs. What power this thing has. I instantly went from a career driven, after -work wine tester to a responsible mom-to-be within seconds. Wait a second, isn't there some kind of prep course that I can take so that I can get my head around this in my OWN time??? Apparently not. And oh no, I had a few rum and cokes last weekend at a birthday party, will this affect my.....my....I can't even say it! BABY is the word I'm trying to think and say but it's just not coming easily! Does this mean i'll be a bad mother???
All of these thoughts were going through my head right after I took my pregnancy test - do you know what my boyfriend (now husband) was doing while my head was spinning in the bathroom like in the movie the "Exorcist?" He was watching his beloved "Star Trek." From an outsiders perspective, you would naturally think he was being unsupportive. But in his defense, I literally walked in my apartment, headed straight for the bathroom, and away I went. He probably wished he was on the Starship Enterprise at that point. Eventually he did come into the bedroom where I was sitting on the bed like a deer in headlights (hopefully it wasn't on a commercial break, or at least I wouldn't like to think so)
At this point you are aware that our pregnancy wasn't planned. But know this. Every second thereafter our "discovery" there were many months of nothing but planning and it was the most thrilling and memorable time of our lives. For the mother who was not expecting to expect, it is the biggest surprise they will ever receive and one they will always cherish. For the mothers who are or were anticipating a pregnancy, what better gift could you receive? The second time around for us (late spring 2007 if all goes well!) my husband and I will fortunately be able to experience the latter, anticipate a pregnancy and savour every moment of planning and excitement. Either way it shouldn't matter, having a baby is an amazing thing whether it's planned ot not. Yes it is scary for new moms, but you would be surprised at how you, yes you, take this on as if it was the most sacred project on earth, there is no room for errors (or so you'd like to think). But the truth is you make many mistakes, some I have laughed at, others I was reluctant to even tell my husband about! (details about that at a later date!)
I love to write, and I look forward to writing about my stages of pregnancy & post-delivery, the trials and tribulations, the laughs & tears, (more laughs than tears fortunately!) - comments are welcome so please dive in! Otherwise I will be back with the next segment, "Where did my waistline go???" :)